I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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