We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
