I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
