Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
