I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
