cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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