covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
