I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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