i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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