guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
