I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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