Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
whose ass print is on the piano?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
