Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
