you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize