just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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