I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
