someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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