I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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