I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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