Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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