What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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