Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
