Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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