HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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