i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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