Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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