I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
