I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
