woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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