hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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