We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
