i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
