Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
