guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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