He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
