He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
