Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
