Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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