it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
