I hate all girls vehemently.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
