i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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