my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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