She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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