Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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