'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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