my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
