watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Im part way to drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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