Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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