apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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