Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
