Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
