The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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