I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Text me some of your sweat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
