she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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