i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
