I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
