Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
