Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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