awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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