Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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