you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
