well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
