I want to stick my p in your. b.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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