God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
