The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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