how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
