So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
