before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
