I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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